Silken's Blog

Today was one of those days that I reflect on and marvel that this is my life. A luncheon, as the guest of Laureen Harper at the G20. The other guests -- none other than her Excellency, Mrs. Obama, other spouses of World Leaders and some pretty impressive Canadian women like Astronaut Julie Payette. Our common passion in physical activity and kids, had Mrs. Obama and I sitting at the same table, along with Fashion Television host Jeanne Beker and Olympic figure skater Joannie Rochette. To my left was Mr. Kaur of the Republic of India, an intelligent and compassionate women who has led an extraordinary life herself..

Extraordinary is what every woman in the room had in common, and yet they were so approachable and humble and real. It only took 3O minutes and I felt I was having lunch with new friends, except they were wives of presidents or heads of states. Each one, without exception were leaders in their own right , either once running NGO's, involved in creating policy or supporting their partners political campaigns. These are smart women who have done exceptional things. I felt so inspired to keep pushing ahead with my dreams. There is something so wonderful about being in the company of women who are brave and ambitious, women who have gone after their dreams. Senator Pamela Wallin described her journey as one step at a time, of doing something that scares you, of daring to move ahead without a specific plan. Julie Payette has lived in Houston, Texas eighteen years chasing her dream of space. Beverly Mahood, a phenomenal country singer is not only talented but gives her time through countless charitable work. She said we have one hand  for receiving and one for giving. All in all, an amazing day that will lift me and inspire me to raise the bar. Thank you ladies. Silken
 

On Thu June 17 @ 1:00 pm Pacific Time, I will be joining Susannah Steers, host of Alive! Bodies in Motion on VoiceAmerica Health and Wellness Channel, to talk about how movement, physical activity and sport, connect us to ourselves, each other and the larger world around us.  We look forward to inspiring people to see that when we engage...anything is possible! 

To tune in to this Live Internet Talk Radio program, log on to  http://www.voiceamerica.com.

My twelve year old son William had his first shift of volunteering on Saturday at the Selkirk Waterfront Festival. He spent most of the day handing out waterbottles, putting ballots in ballot boxes and meeting people. Amazing in a boy who still has trouble looking people straight in the eye. He asked me today about volunteering at our local vet clinic, as animals are a deep and lasting passion to him. And as I am suffering around what is the right education for my son, losing sleep over schools, and tutors and special software, I remembered something I had read quite a number of years ago in the Harvard Business Review.  It was an article about success and resiliency. Researchers were trying to find common factors that indicated how successful a university graduate would be later in life. Success by definition had its limitations, but they were measuring it around money, job status, and professional satisfaction. What they noted were two very interesting things, one was that resiliency was the number one outstanding feature that all of these "successful" people had. That ability to get up, to make mistakes and learn from them, failing and not throwing in the towel.

The second common factor was even more interesting.  There was a direct correlation between how many chores a person had in childhood and how successful they became. In other words, taking on responsibility for chores, for animals, for paper routes had a huge impact in that adults' life course. All this got me thinking quite a bit about my autistic step daughter, and how she will jump up when I ask her to wash the vegetables, or run to the cupboard to get the dog brush, or smile radiantly when she is allowed to help stir fry the vegetables. She loves feeling useful. I saw it in William today, who felt needed, and liked being part of a bigger world than his friends and his schools. He came home walking a little taller, a little more a young man than when he left in the morning.

Children and adults want to feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves, a family, a household, the school culture, a neighbourhood.  When we give them responsibilties we let them know they are contributing members of our households. They will mess up, they will forget, or burn things, or dump the crumbs on the floor. Even though it takes time to teach them and to tell what a complete job looks like, they learn; after a few dozen times they might even remember it is easier to do it well the first time! 

Sometimes I think our families have become so focussesd on our kids sports, their social lives, and their homework, that we forget about contribution. Contributing to the family, helps a child understand their place and value in the world. They are needed and counted upon. It also helps us stop feeling like such a marytr. Only this morning I found myself getting into a tizzy about the state of my home. I took a deep breath, took out a white board and marker, and made the weekend job list. Suddenly I saw myself as part of the team that is my family.  I need my kids to help me make my house a home, I need their positive energy, their personal responsibility and their contributions to the running of the home. I think my kids know they are valuable and I hope this will help make their course in life happy and successful. - Silken

My blog followers have asked where I went. To the land of real estate.

Buying a house is crazy. Biggest purchase of our life and we make it by seeing a house once or maybe twice. It takes me longer to buy a great pair of jeans. I put an offer on a house I have seen five times, which to most realtors seems over the top. I would have gone back ten times, with measuring tape and designer, but in the world of real estate this is not playing by the rules. The thing is, once the offer has gone through, that's it, you don't wear those pair of jeans until you move in months later. So what you remember about the colour of the guest sink, the make of the dishwasher, the evenness of the basement floor, is exactly that, your memory.

So, after seventeen years I am changing house.  Scary and wonderful. I find myself wandering around my garden saying goodbye to my trees. I realize I have develooed a deep love for the magnolia tree outside my kitchen window. Each April she reminded me that it was spring and another year had passed. My giant red poppies burst forth each May with an explosion of colour and if I make a business trip at the wrong time I miss it. Last night I actually saw the pod break open and a poppy emerge. I know there will be different flowers and different trees in my new garden, but these friends have inspired and delighted me and I will miss them.  Silken 
 

Maybe moving house is emotional because it is about change. Change is what people say is good unless it is about them changing. If a friend tells you they are changing jobs, or buying a new house, or taking a new tact in their career, we say great, but most of us approach change in our lives with a degree of terror. Change is not just about adding things to our life, it is about letting go. And that is where the fear comes in. Letting go of a way of thinking that has helped us be sucessful in the past but is no longer working. Letting go of sales techniques that were the foundation of your training twenty years ago but need to be let go. Letting go is about creating space. Creating space for the new to enter. If you can't let go of the old friends that you are keeping because you have known them for ten years even though you no longer have much in common, you are shutting out the entry of new friends that will help you expand and grow.

Letting go of even dysfunctional relationships can be painful. I discovered this in spades over the last years, but the emotional growth this leads to is powerful. If we can find the courage and persistence to keep moving forward in our life, to keep embracing the fact that change is as much about letting go as it is about embracing the new: change will transform our life. Silken